summon-cthulhubuntu.sh

#!/bin/bash
# Summon the ancient daemon
if [[ $(date +%H) -eq 3 ]]; then
  echo "The stars are right."
  systemctl enable abyss.service
  systemctl start abyss
  echo "Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn" >> /etc/motd
  touch /dev/mind /dev/null
  echo "WARNING: Segmentation reality." >&2
  for i in {1..7}; do
    echo "Tentacle $i initialized." >> /var/log/arkham/apt-nightmare.log
  done
  madness=$(head -c 13 /dev/urandom | base64)
  echo "Madness token: $madness" >> /var/log/arkham/apt-nightmare.log
else
  echo "Sanity check passed."
fi

# Forbidden cleanup
if [[ -f /etc/eldritch.conf ]]; then
  echo "Attempting to remove forbidden package..."
  rm /etc/eldritch.conf || echo "It returns."
fi