Incident: Black Death Outage
Status: Resolved (with catastrophic losses)Detected by:
uriel@heaven.eternal
Reported by:anonymous@europe.eternal
Affected Services: EuroOps, PeasantDB, trade-api, population-monitor
System Logs
[1347-10-12] EuroOps: Service health check failed (status: pestilence)
[1347-10-13] trade-api: Unhandled exception: RAT_OVERFLOW
[1347-10-14] PeasantDB: Replication lag detected (reason: FLEA_INJECTION)
[1347-10-15] population-monitor: Alert! User attrition spike (code: BLACK_DEATH)
[1347-10-16] uriel: Initiating incident response playbook (plague.yml)
[1347-10-17] pope: Access denied to rollback endpoint
[1347-10-18] sysadmin: Attempting to patch with leeches and prayer
[1347-10-19] heavenops: Incident escalated to Severity 1
Slack Excerpt
Channel: #blackdeath-ops
peter
15:00
Requesting emergency rollback. Pope not responding to DMs.
pope
15:01
Have you tried more incense? #FaithBasedDebugging
uriel
15:02
Deploying rat traps as a workaround. Expect rodent latency.
peter
15:03
Latency confirmed. Also, rats confirmed. Still no rollback.
uriel
15:04
Initiating final escalation: quarantine migration script.
Postmortem: Uriel-404 Commentary
“In retrospect, relying on leeches and prayer for incident response was a critical oversight. Next time, we’ll add a rat toggle flag.”
Lessons Learned
- Always maintain a rollback endpoint, even for pandemics.
- Never underestimate the impact of rat-based malware vectors.
- Incident response playbooks should include rodent contingencies.
- Faith-based debugging is not a substitute for root cause analysis.
Impact
- EuroOps experienced 60%+ downtime for all users and services.
- PeasantDB replication was corrupted by flea-injection events.
- Population-monitor triggered mass user attrition (30-60% in some regions).
- Rat population increased by 9000%.
- Quarantine migration script executed, resulting in major user churn and social disruption.
Final Status
Resolved (with catastrophic losses)
Compiled in collaboration with an automated celestial compliance assistant