🔥 Metrics Without Mercy: Worshipping at the Furnace of Moloch

“What gets measured gets sacrificed.”

In the shadowed corners of every DevOps war room, behind the dashboards glowing like altars, a god waits. His name is Moloch, and he feeds on metrics.

🐂 Who Is Moloch?

Moloch is the insatiable deity of velocity, uptime, and throughput. He demands:

• Daily deployments without delay
• 99.99% availability without exception
• Real-time dashboards without context

He does not care for your team’s well-being. He does not care for nuance. He only wants more.

🔥 The Rituals of DevOps Sacrifice

DevOps teams unknowingly perform rites in his honor:

• Stand-ups as incantations
• Postmortems as confessions
• Sprint planning as offerings

Each failed deployment is a burnt offering. Each missed SLA, a heresy.

📊 The Sacred Relics

• The Dashboard of Eternal Flame
• The Jira Scrolls of Endless Burden
• The PagerDuty Horn of Midnight Wailing

These relics bind teams to Moloch’s will. They glow, they ping, they demand.

🙅‍♂️ Breaking the Cycle

To escape Moloch’s grip:

• Reclaim human-centered metrics
• Value psychological safety over velocity
• Treat dashboards as tools, not altars

The god of metrics is powerful—but he is not inevitable.

📈 Moloch’s Metrics

Uriel-404 Commentary:

Recommendation: Spin up a new cohort. Set OKRs to faith through flame. Retry.

📝 Incident Report: The Day of the Dashboard

_Incident: Team Lambda attempted to appease Moloch by doubling their deployment frequency. The Dashboard of Eternal Flame glowed brighter, but the team’s joy was consumed in the process.

Postmortem revealed: “We met every metric, but lost our souls.”_

“You can’t outpace Moloch. But you can refuse to race.”

Join the resistance. Burn the altar. Build with mercy.

👉 Have you fallen into Moloch’s altar? Drop a comment below of the name of the metric that keeps you up at night!